The journey of self realization is ever evolving. It calls upon us to recognize and improve upon our short comings. In saying goodbye to 2020 and reflecting upon the many opportunities this tumultuous year presented for personal growth, I realized that one of the most impactful ways to make change, was to improve upon decision making. It’s not simply the monumental decisions that stir our course, but also the every day challenges that we give our energy to, that impact and direct our lives.
My daughter recently called to tell me how she had come close to plummeting downhill into the neighbors home when her brakes had failed. Thankfully the imminent disaster was avoided by the quick use of the emergency brake and the thick bushes separating the neighboring yard. I couldn’t help but jokingly ask if she’d changed her life insurance policy recently. My wonderful son in law is a do it yourself-er and jack of all trades. He had changed out the pads but forgotten to pump the brakes. Even the best of intentions take a little forethought.
We may have the best intentions, but without taking time to consider the end results, our good intent can back fire and things can quickly become catastrophic. We often find ourselves wishing we could back paddle our way out of a situation. If we don’t take time to reflect before we speak, or think through a decision, it can be disastrous. There are those who would argue that being blunt and just saying whatever you feel is being authentic. I think bluntness may have its place, but isn’t it wise to consider ones words? The saying, “The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to to break a heart”, comes to mind.
We may come to regret those words we say in haste, frustration or anger, and we’ve all learned that our actions have consequences. The difficulty is in taking the time to think and reflect before we say or do things that don’t serve us well and may hurt others. Do we have a choice?
Can we master the art of contemplation so that we measure our words and train our minds to deliberate before we act? How do we remember to pump the brakes?
It’s usually anxiety that fuels us to react in the moment. We make rash decisions, or say the wrong thing when we experience the discomfort of sitting with indecision, or when in the moment, we are disturbed by another’s words and behavior. A remedy may be to make a conscious choice to not react from an emotional place, but instead, use a decision making process. Fostering simple changes, such as going to the wash room and running your hands under cold water, calling a ten second time out, or focusing on your five senses and naming out loud what you see, hear, smell, taste and feel are all ways to buy yourself time to consider your words. Someone may look at you as though you have lost it, but that beats the long term aftermath of saying something you don’t mean or wish you could take back.
It’s a bit more complicated with long term life decisions. We each have to find a practice that works for us. Some find listing pros and cons helpful while others just sleep on it until they feel a certainty within themselves. Many people talk it over with friends & family to gain more insight and be sure they are weighing all of their options. All of these practices can be helpful. What’s key is to take the time to reflect before making your decision.
For years I have found thrift shopping relaxing but I realized early on, that I could end up a hoarder if I weren’t careful. I eventually put a next day rule in place. I’d go home, decide if it was something I really needed or wanted, and if so, I’d go back the next day. Another strategy that works well for me is to always think in worst case scenario. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that may happen? What could the worst end result be? Can you live with the answer?
All of these tools are ways to pump the brakes, to stop and consider our words and actions and hold ourselves accountable. Mulling things over, both our words and actions, considering the end results, and thinking ahead to the worst case scenario could save us from a downhill spiral with no emergency brake or safety net to stop us. So, as we continue to roll into 2021 with a vision of growth and self realization, let’s put an action plan in place to help us each remember to pump the brakes and reflect before we speak or act, especially when we are under emotional pressure.
Seeds of Hope 